St. Joseph, whose feast day we celebrate in the Church today, has been a dear companion to me and my husband on our pilgrimage towards accepting the cross of infertility. 

There is little known of the foster-father of Jesus, but what we do know points towards a truly great man. He was clearly a man of deep faith and trust, one for whom obedience to the Spirit’s whisperings was second nature. He worked hard to support his family, and he was not afraid of people’s disdainful glances or preconceived judgments about his family. He lived a hidden life, but the ripples of his life continue to impact even those of us on earth today. 

St. Joseph teaches me how to embrace the promptings of the Holy Spirit and move forward in trust. It’s tempting to dwell on how unfair and unjust infertility feels. And let’s be clear: it is a reality of a fallen world that shouldn’t be. Those of us walking this path can find the pilgrimage to eternity a lonely and severe one. However, the Word of God  promises this: “The Spirit itself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if only we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him” (Romans 8:16-17, emphasis mine). 

It’s true; infertility is a unique and isolating suffering, but we are promised that when we suffer with Christ, “we may also be glorified with him.” St. Joseph shows this reality in a profound way. While he didn’t necessarily suffer from infertility, his experience mirrors that of many couples with infertility since he and Mary did not have any other children, and he stood as foster father to Jesus instead of being a biological father. 

His ability to embrace his own path and listen to the Holy Spirit’s guidance as he cared for Mary and Jesus while he was alive teaches us much about family life. It can be argued he suffered profoundly, notwithstanding being the only non-perfect member of his family and not being intimately connected to Christ in the same way  Mary was. However, he shows men how to be good fathers to children entrusted to them in whatever capacity. He shows how to lead gently and provide for and protect one’s family, whether that’s two people or more. He illustrates the extraordinary grace of accepting his crosses and remaining a just and good man in the process.

St. Joseph’s life reflects acute hardship in other ways, too. Learning that his betrothed is  pregnant before they live together, continuing their marriage despite the social stigma of Mary’s pregnancy, having to travel with his very pregnant wife to Bethlehem for a census and not finding any comfort but a cold cave in which to shelter, knowing his son’s life is threatened and leaving in the middle of the night for a strange land to protect him, and losing Jesus for three days while traveling are all examples of keen suffering. He is no stranger to hardship, and he can help us on our own journeys to acceptance of whatever crosses are in our lives and point us towards the source of true joy and peace, no matter the circumstances in our reality. 

And that is what St. Paul means when he says that we are “heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if only we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him.” And what glory St. Joseph’s life now reflects! His foster Son, both God and man, exalts His foster father in His heavenly home and grants St. Joseph incredible intercessory power. 

How often do we turn to St. Joseph for aid, for protection, for intercession, and how often are those prayers answered! His companionship on our own pilgrimages towards eternity can be such a comfort; even at the end, he offers to intercede for the graces for a good death for each of us, where we can meet his beloved son face-to-face for the first time. 

Honestly, there is much about the path of infertility that I can say with complete confidence none of us would like to walk through. It’s a cross no one can truly understand unless it’s been lived and experienced, and even then, it can still feel isolating. But what a gift God gives us in placing St. Joseph as His beloved Son’s foster father. Here is a man who can understand the loneliness of the cross and can still point us back to the burning heart of His foster Son, the only place we find true refuge and perfect understanding and peace. 

Thus, let us ask St. Joseph to intercede for us in our own sufferings, not so much that they disappear, but that we, like him, can find deep and abiding peace in Christ and eventually hear these words from Christ Himself, “Well done, good and faithful servant…enter into the joy [also translated sometimes as ‘glory’] of your master” (Matthew 25:21). 

Merideth Ochs  is a Catholic wife and adoptive mother, who thrives on copious amounts of coffee and deeply loves her faith, cultivating holy friendships, and reading books. Merideth writes about infertility, adoption, family life, and faith on her Substack, Manna from the Sky.