Advent is my favorite liturgical season. I love the music, the liturgies, the readings, and the reflections. I also resonate so very much with this season of waiting for a greater Reality to manifest itself. 

Those of us carrying the cross of infertility can perhaps identify with this deep longing for Meaning and Redemption to incarnate in our lives more so than others. When walking the path of infertility, the waiting can feel senseless and even punishing. But Advent reminds us that the Lord will not leave us in desolation. He promises to restore the years of suffering (see Joel 2:25), and Advent is the perfect time to reflect on how we await His promise. 

Pope Benedict XVI says, “However there are many different ways of waiting. If time is not filled by a present endowed with meaning, expectation risks becoming unbearable; if one expects something but at a given moment there is nothing, in other words if the present remains empty, every instant that passes appears extremely long and waiting becomes too heavy a burden because the future remains completely uncertain. On the other hand, when time is endowed with meaning and at every instant we perceive something specific and worthwhile, it is then that the joy of expectation makes the present more precious. Dear brothers and sisters, let us experience intensely the present in which we already receive the gifts of the Lord, let us live it focused on the future, a future charged with hope. In this manner Christian Advent becomes an opportunity to reawaken within ourselves the true meaning of waiting, returning to the heart of our faith which is the mystery of Christ…” (from “Advent Calls Us to Silence,” found in Christmas Around the Fire, edited by Ryan N. S. Topping)

Pope Benedict distills the experience of walking the path of infertility without even realizing it. For me, there have definitely been moments on this journey where the burden of waiting became “too heavy because the future remains completely uncertain.” It is the uncertainty around infertility, along with the constant “what ifs” that can make this cross feel “unbearable.” 

As fallen human beings, it is also so easy to lose sight of what – or, rather, Whom – should be the focus of our hope. I found myself placing my hope in the next tangible thing, whether that was the next treatment, the next diet, the next procedure, etc. Thus, I found myself in this awful cycle of thinking perhaps this time, we would get the result – a pregnancy – that we so desired, but then I was crushed when my striving and misplaced hope didn’t lead to the result for which I so longed. 

That kind of waiting is interminable and painful. But there is another kind of waiting, which Pope Benedict also mentions, and which is possible even while walking the path of infertility. 

We can all probably recall some time in our life where waiting was filled with anticipation. I have fond memories as a child of waiting so joyfully for Christmas morning, which never seemed to come fast enough. I also recall the days leading up to my wedding day so fondly. These examples are times when waiting was filled with “something specific and worthwhile.” 

Thus, the challenge becomes finding “meaning” in every circumstance, and learning to fill the present moment with “something specific and worthwhile.” Perhaps this feels like an impossible task when facing infertility. However, the mission is clear: we are asked to turn outward and fix our gaze on Christ, Who alone can bring meaning – Himself – into every moment, whether it’s a time of deep suffering or one of palpable joy. 

In Psalm 73, the psalmist says, “When my soul was embittered,/ when I was pricked in heart,/ I was stupid and ignorant;/ I was like a brute beast towards you./ Nevertheless I am continually with you;/ you hold my right hand./ You guide me with your counsel…” (vv. 21-24a). Infertility can be such an isolating cross; however, the Lord never leaves us to carry it alone. He is always right there, no matter what our current emotion or experience. He walks beside us and shoulders the burden so that all we need to do is turn to Him and find Him already there. 

What a gift to have an Advent to “reawaken within ourselves the true meaning of waiting…” and cleave ever more closely to Christ, who promises that “all things work together for good for those who love God… (see Romans 8:28). While the future is uncertain, we can fully place our hope in the One who chose to incarnate Himself into our suffering reality and know that He holds our right hand and offers us the only certainty that is guaranteed – Himself. 

Merideth Ochs is a Catholic wife and adoptive mother, who thrives on copious amounts of coffee and deeply loves her faith, cultivating holy friendships, and reading books. Merideth writes about infertility, adoption, family life, and faith on her Substack, Manna from the Sky.