“It’s a simple phrase that has stuck in our hearts and carried us on our journey with infertility. Hope beyond hope.”

Instantly, I was transfixed. I simultaneously knew exactly what my friend meant, and yet didn’t know it fully. The innate feeling of understanding contrasted with my perplexity on what the phrase actually meant. In my heart, I knew this Hope beyond hope. This Hope beyond hope had carried us through our own journey with infertility and never left our side. This Hope beyond hope was present at our appointments, our procedures, our diagnoses. This Hope beyond hope was so real – a longing so deep and pervasive – that, for a moment, it stood in our midst. This small community of couples carrying the cross of infertility shared this Hope beyond hope. 

Although the poignant moment passed, over the next few weeks, I couldn’t stop pondering the phrase. Hope beyond hope rattled ceaselessly in my head. What was the significance? Just as I had in my journey with infertility, I started with the facts.

Hope Beyond Facts

“With your level of DNA fragmentation and sperm degradation, you will have a less than <0.01% chance to conceive naturally.”

When our fertility specialist offered us an array of Artificial Reproductive Technologies to increase our chances of conception, in an attempt to realize our hope, we jumped at the chance. After three years of trying to conceive without perceivable results, ART felt like the hope beyond hope we were looking for. We had waited for so long and our specialist had seemingly given us this new hope.

“And he believed, with a hope beyond hope, so that he might become the father of many nations, according to what was said to him” (Romans 4:18)

Like many of the great patriarchs  and matriarchs  in the Bible, it seemed all we really needed was belief and hope. We thought that God had placed this fertility specialist and this Artificial Reproductive Technology in our life. In reality, long before this point in our journey, we had turned our backs against God’s designs and instead chosen to pursue the idol of fertility.

Hope Beyond DEATH

After four failed attempts utilizing ART to conceive, our marriage and lives were starting to fray. We were isolated, unhappy, and disconnected. By God’s grace through the sacrament of confession, we were eventually able to be restored to communion with the greater Church. This union with the Church and her sacraments would be a lifeline in our new life.

“And he believed, with a hope beyond hope, so that he might become the father of many nations, according to what was said to him.” (Romans 4:18)

With our communion and hearts restored, we were ready to listen to God’s call again, but we weren’t quite ready for what He told us. I brought all my new hopes and well-laid plans before the Lord. Domestic adoption, international adoption, fostering – all beautiful callings in the eyes of the Lord.Surely He would lead us to parenthood in one of these ways.

Yet it became clear that He wanted none of them for us. Through my wife, He spoke His clear plan. He was calling us to be childless.

My soul was rocked. I had always felt that my family would carry me to Heaven. Now, I had no hope. Only death – the death of my hopes and plans for children. I grieved. I cried. I yelled. I fought. But the cross came. The only hope I could find was the Hope beyond Death. The hope that all my suffering had a purpose.

Hope Beyond Hope 

In the darkness of my despair, the Lord found me again. Through His suffering, He consoled me in my suffering. Through His wounds, He heals all our wounds, and, although I am not fully healed even now, I have started to realize Christ’s true desire for me. I have started to realize that Christ gave each of us Hope beyond hope through His sacrifice on the Cross.

“Faith, Hope, Love but the greatest is love.” (1 Corinthians 13:13). Tradition says that part of the reason that love is the greatest virtue, besides the fact that the Lord says so, is that it is eternal. Faith will cease as we will be perfectly united with the Beatific Vision. Hope is not needed as we will have achieved the Father’s vision for each of us, but Love remains. What then is Hope beyond hope? When Jesus returns, He is Hope after which all hope has expired.

“And he believed, with a hope beyond hope, so that he might become the father of many nations, according to what was said to him.” (Romans 4:18)

Perhaps we could say, “And he believed, with… GOD…so that he might become the father of many nations, according to what was said to him.”

The virtue of hope may end at death, but Hope beyond hope cannot. He, Christ, is that Hope beyond “hope [that] does not disappoint” (Romans 5:5). In our journey with infertility let us walk with that Hope beyond hope. Let us carry our cross like that Hope beyond hope. Let us die to our own desires through that Hope beyond hope, so that, in eternity, we can obtain perfect unification with that Hope beyond hope.

“Lord Jesus, Hope beyond hope,
Teach us to only desire you,
Let our earthly desires be drowned in the spring of Hope eternal flowing from your pierced side.
Hide us from our dreams and aspirations in the infinite hope of your holy wounds
Let us hold no hope in death.
Let us hold no hope in ourselves
Let us find only Hope beyond hope”

Christian lives in Oklahoma with his amazing wife. They enjoy walking their two dogs and spending time with their family in Oklahoma and Kansas. As a couple, after a long bout with infertility, they have discerned that they are called to live a life-giving, childfree life.