When I meet a patient for the first time or  am trying to learn more about her, I often ask her what she does for work. It helps me to remember her and to see in at least one  one way how she gives herself and her time to others. Once when I asked a patient this, she concluded with , “I didn’t think I would be working there for this long.” I think many of us can share the same sentiment. We imagine that if we had children we would be staying at home with them, or working part time, or our job would become less important than the job of raising children. I’m not going to lie – I had a similar view for a long time. I went to nursing school, yes because I loved taking care of other people, but also because it was a four year degree that led to a job I felt like I could easily drop if I had children. It also gave me the flexibility of going on for further education but without  committing the time and money involved in medical school. Whether or not it was a good way to approach my life decisions, I don’t know, but I do know that the Lord used it for His, mine, and so many others’ good as I went on to become a NaPro Technology nurse practitioner. I know for a fact this wouldn’t have been the case if I had gotten married right out of college and started having children as my 16 year-old self had envisioned. 

I have come to realize that if I am called to physical parenthood one day, I will be a better mother because of the lessons I have learned through my career in nursing and through my vocation of healing the bodies of women. While always still growing and learning, I have learned to be more compassionate and less judgmental of others through hearing of the great pains they have suffered. I have learned how to create healthier boundaries with work, home, family, and friends. I have learned how to make quick assessments and plans in emergency situations. I will always say that I am a better person because I am a nurse. And what will never cease to amaze me is how the Lord led me to this work not just to heal others but to heal me. I have benefited first hand from NaPro technology diagnosis and treatment to restore my own body and fertility to health. Teaching the Creighton model presented me with a hopeful and collaborative view of marriage and sexuality that was very healing after growing up in a broken home. 

The Lord has also used some of the most painful experiences in my life as sources of healing for others. At the time these painful experiences seemed like cruel jokes, and I felt as if I’d be crushed under the weight of them. But after coming out on the other side, (only by the grace of God), I have found these experiences have shaped my heart in fruitful ways. Sometimes I will be sitting in a room with a patient, or listening to a loved one, and I recognize that the words I speak or the ear I lend were formed by suffering. The suffering then becomes redemptive and for a purpose because it allows me to suffer with the person in front me and speak to their experience. And I am able to praise God for not willing but allowing this suffering. All of this to say, God uses our work, our crosses, our suffering, our relationships to be the conduit through which He loves and heals His children on earth. 

This of course in no way takes away the pain of infertility or diminishes the beautiful and holy desire for children. But it can give us a small glimpse into the heart of a loving Father who has “plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11) As it says in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

I was recently reminded of this while reading the incredibly reassuring and hopeful retreat based on the teaching of St. Therese of Lisieux called, I Believe in Love, by Fr. Jean C. J. D’Elbee. He writes, “Then how happy you will be in Heaven for having spent yourself to gain souls who will be there also for all eternity, thanks to you! Remember that each soul won wins others, and that you will be forever the spiritual father or mother of a multitude of elect who will come to seek you out upon your arrival at the door of Paradise, or whom you will receive when they arrive. This Heaven of which little Therese says, ‘that we will not meet indifferent looks there because all the elect will recognize that they are indebted among themselves to one another for the graces which shall have merited the crown for them. As a mother is proud of her children, so shall we be proud of one another, without the least jealousy.’”

It may not be until eternity that we meet these spiritual children or come to realize how God used our work or our suffering to bring others to Himself. As Christians this is a source of great hope, anticipation, and consolation. Our desires will never seek their ultimate fulfillment here on earth and we have much to look forward to.

Please know that I am praying for you and rooting for you on this crazy journey to Heaven.

Caroline Gindhart is a nurse practitioner at Divine Mercy Women’s Health in Camp Hill/Carlisle, Pennsylvania. She received her nursing degrees from Penn State University. In her professional work, she diagnoses the root causes of infertility and treats in a way that cooperates with the woman’s cycle using her training in the Creighton Model and NaPro Technology.