When we profess our marriage vows, we promise to be faithful in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, and to love and honor one another all the days of our lives. These promises are more than just words; they are a lifelong commitment to one another, no matter our circumstances. 

Last summer, I learned how to make sourdough bread. After baking practice one night, I realized that just like marriage, sourdough starts with two ingredients that grow into something far more intricate. Sourdough and marriage both require intentional time, patience, nurturing, and commitment to grow into something beautiful despite challenges that arise.

From Starter to Forever

The process of making sourdough bread begins with the simple ingredients of flour and water, which become a “starter” after a time of fermentation. Once ready, the starter is added to additional flour and water to leaven the mixture naturally. On their own, flour and water are basic components of a kitchen pantry, but together over time, these humble ingredients transform into a nourishing and delicious bread loaf.

Similarly, marriage, at its core, starts with a man and a woman who come together with their love and commitment for each other. These people are the two “ingredients” who, through living out their marriage vows daily, lay a strong foundation for a lasting marital union. As Catholics we believe marriage is a sacrament, a holy covenant that mirrors Christ’s love for the Church. With Christ dwelling within us as the ultimate source of grace, each couple is a witness of God’s faithful love for His people. 

As stated in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (1609, 1615), “After the fall, marriage helps to overcome self-absorption, egoism, pursuit of one’s own pleasure, and to open oneself to the other, to mutual aid and to self-giving. … It is by following Christ, renouncing themselves, and taking up their crosses that spouses will be able to ‘receive’ the original meaning of marriage and live it with the help of Christ.” Additionally, spouses to whom God has not gifted children can have a marriage that radiates “a fruitfulness of charity, of hospitality, and of sacrifice” (1654).

It is my hope that through the sufferings my husband and I endure on this earth, infertility being our primary cross, we are able to give witness to our loving triune God. I also hope that the fun and joy we have through our travels, date activities, support of one another in our occupations and personal goals, and outward expressions of love show others that it’s possible to still have a vibrant life and marriage with God at our core, despite hardship. 

Shaping a Love That Leavens

Once the basic ingredients of sourdough are combined, the real work begins: shaping the dough. You knead it, fold it, let it rest, and continue to care for it over several hours (and overnight for an even stronger loaf!). Each step is essential to the process. If neglected or rushed, the bread will fail to rise properly. I learned early on in my sourdough journey that it’s not just about mixing ingredients — it’s about the shaping with purposeful gentleness, never forcing it. 

I remember the first loaves of sourdough I made — they didn’t rise as much as I expected and looked more like flat discs than round, fluffy loaves. But I didn’t give up. With each batch, I learned more about timing, kneading and resistance, temperature, and patience. 

You don’t rush the fermentation process in sourdough, and you can’t rush the process of building a deep, lasting relationship. In marriage, sometimes we need to give each other space and grace to process difficult situations. Living through our circumstances together shape and refine us into the works of art God intends. In marriage, we must approach our partner with the same love, even when life is difficult. 

I will never forget the times my husband has cared for me when I’m sick, making me chicken noodle soup when I have a sinus cold as well as helping me around the house after a laparoscopy early in our marriage. 

There are many times my husband and I remind one another of a saint, Bible verse, Catholic teaching, or spiritual practice in the thick of our infertility struggles – or even just accompanying one another through life’s daily ups and downs. We’re on the same team, guiding each other back to God. In suffering as well as joy, our marriage bond becomes stronger and more resilient – similar to a bread dough. 

The Eucharist, the Bread of Life, is Christ’s Body given for us. In the sacred union of marriage, much like the act of receiving Christ in Communion, two become one in body, soul, and spirit. This sacredness gives us the strength to live out our vows — whether they are in times of abundance or struggle.

Kneading Strong Bonds

As I learned with sourdough just as in marriage, it’s not about perfection; it’s about persistence, patience, and care. As we knead our love together, we trust that God will continue to shape us, refine us, and help our relationship rise to its full potential.

This post was written by an anonymous Springs in the Desert Writer.