This year on Mother’s Day, our parish priest invited mothers to stand for a blessing. I have been open about our experiences with infertility, and our priest has been very supportive of us as a couple. He worded the invitation for the blessing of mothers in such a way that I knew he wanted me to stand, too. I didn’t.

I chose not to stand, because I felt like I didn’t belong – not with the “real” mothers.

A few months later, my former spiritual director visited from Italy. Although it had been four years since I had last seen him, he had been instrumental in guiding me through vocational discernment. I don’t remember everything we talked through during that process, but I do remember the way God seemed to speak profound truths into my heart using Fr. Daniele’s voice:

When I felt that I had “wasted” too much time in a previous relationship, Father told me, “God does not waste anything.”

When I started down a familiar path of analysis paralysis, Father told me, “You do not have to know everything right now. Just seek Him and take the next step.”

During his visit this time, I shared with Father that my husband and I had been carrying the cross of infertility. God again spoke truth to me using Fr. Daniele’s voice:

“Your vocation is not amputated.”

According to Brittanica.com, the word “amputate” means “to cut off (part of a person’s body).” In my opinion, this definition seems incomplete. I have never heard anyone describe cancer or endometriosis as being “amputated” from the body, but rather “removed” or “excised.” Typical use of the word “amputate” implies that the part of the body being cut off is, in healthy circumstances, supposed to be there.

Father’s use of the word “amputated” resonated deeply with me. It sounded harsh and violent. While I do not know personally what it is like to experience a physical amputation, I realized that infertility had, for me, felt like an emotional and spiritual one. I had viewed it as a harsh “cutting off” of the children and fruitfulness that were supposed to be there—in my vocation, my marriage, my heart. I realized that I had been viewing spiritual motherhood as a type of “consolation prize” for physical motherhood.

Both of these beliefs are lies from the devil. Until I heard the truth spoken so clearly, I hadn’t even been aware that I believed them.

In the first episode of her “Twelve Stripes Deep” podcast, Catholic author and speaker Mary Bruno says, “Almost anyone can have a child, can bear a child, can get pregnant and have a child. But not [just] anyone can love a child well, can give the child the love of God that then fills that child and gives that child freedom and the ability to share God’s love with the world. That is something very different. That is why we are all called to be mothers. That’s why… all women are mothers, or at least capable of giving the incredible gift of spiritual motherhood to the world” (Bruno, Hey There! & Foreword, 6:55.)

Consider the Blessed Mother’s fiat. She was not merely consenting to allow the Holy Spirit to overshadow her so that God could use her body as a means of bringing Jesus physically to earth. She did not consent merely to give birth to Jesus and care for His physical needs. Rather, her fiat was an acceptance of her call to mother the Son of God Himself! She was called to give to Jesus the love of God that then filled Him and gave Him the freedom and the ability to share God’s love with the world. Jesus, being fully divine and fully human, was entrusted to a human mother.

Fr. Daniele also invited me to consider Servant of God Chiara Corbella Petrillo. She and her husband Enrico were advised to abort their first two children due to significant and life-threatening genetic malformations, but they refused. Both children died within an hour of birth. During her third pregnancy, Chiara was diagnosed with cancer, but she refused any treatment that would harm her baby. Baby Francesco was born healthy, but Chiara’s disease became terminal. She died at the age of 28.

The preface of the book Chiara Corbella Petrillo: A Witness to Joy is a letter to Chiara from Enrico, written one year after her death. He writes, “You know, my love, our love continues to generate children (…). We have so many that I cannot remember all their names. They are not children in the flesh; rather, they are children in the Lord” (Petrillo, xii.)

God clearly chose the Blessed Mother Mary, not only to give birth to His Son, but also to mother Him in a way that only she could. He then, in His generosity, gave her to all of us, to mother us and help us receive the love of God.

God chose Chiara and Enrico to be parents to the children that they alone could love in such a beautiful way—first, to their biological children; later, to those of us who receive the love of God through their witness and story.

God chooses each one of us to bear fruit and share His love in a unique and unrepeatable way—whether or not we are given physical children to raise.

My vocation—as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter of God—is not amputated by my experience of infertility. Though I may not always recognize the fruits, I trust they are there. Whether or not God gives us children, so long as my husband and I keep sharing the love that God pours into us, in the way that only we can, it will bear fruit that will last. 

Next year, if invited to stand for the blessing of mothers, I plan to stand—right up there with the “real” mothers—because I know that I am one.

CJ and her husband live in Minnesota with their rambunctious golden doodle. By day, she teaches the English language to multilingual elementary students. In her free time, she teaches women about the language of their bodies as a hormone coach certified through the Fiat Institute. Her mission is to accompany, encourage, and empower women with knowledge and natural tools to support their health and the God-given dignity of their design. To find out more about hormone coaching with CJ, email her at info@dignityempowered.com.