As women, we have the ability to receive others. We have the internal capacity within our bodies and our souls to carry another human being. As a result, we also have the ability to carry people within our hearts. We can welcome them into our hearts in a particularly unique way that is a mystery in itself. I first began to understand this during my experience with a theology of the body retreat, called Echo Community. During the women’s session, we discussed this quote from Edith Stein: 

“The woman’s soul is fashioned as a shelter in which other souls may unfold. Both spiritual companionship and motherliness are not limited to the physical spouse and mother relationships, but they extend to all people with whom woman comes into contact.” (Edith Stein, Essays on Woman)

The view of femininity and womanhood that some people within the Catholic Church present can sometimes be single-minded –  telling us that the ultimate goal of one’s marriage is to bear children biologically – and those of us dealing with infertility know how painful that is to hear over and over again. At Echo retreats I’ve attended, they have always spoken about femininity with a much wider view of who woman really is. What Edith Stein tells us in the quote above is that women are made with the capacity to receive others. Not only are we biologically receptive, but because of our feminine nature, our soul is also made to be a safe space for others to come alive. This revealed to me that as a woman, I have a natural ability to see others, to know them, to nourish them spiritually, to support them in difficult seasons, to mother them. Women can be a safe space for people to be fully themselves. 

Edith Stein talks about how the vocation of woman to be a mother is not the end, that all vocations are extremely important in our world, and that all vocations will bear fruit if we allow ourselves to open our souls to give life to others in different ways. I had heard all of this before I was married, and thus once I was married and discovered the infertility struggles we would face, I already had a small amount of comfort knowing that spiritual motherhood is a great gift. 

I also witnessed the lived beauty of spiritual motherhood through religious sisters and my single friends. The fruitfulness they brought  into my life and community shaped my perspective on spiritual motherhood in a beautiful way. I began to look at spiritual motherhood in a different light, experiencing it in a new way that brought great joy into my life. 

For me, spiritual motherhood was not found in some of the classic examples such as teaching young children religious education, fostering, adoption, or availability to my friends with children. In my own life, spiritual motherhood came alive first through high school youth ministry, and more recently I’ve had joy from deepening my friendships with single adult friends. Not long ago, my husband and I went on a vacation with and started a Leisure Club with three of our single friends. What I’ve noticed in growing in relationship with them is our single friends desire more connection, more community, and authentic friendships that they can rely on. 

At times, I take for granted having a spouse – someone who is constantly there with me and I can do something with at any time. Through my deepening relationships with singles, they have shared with me the difficulty of not having that person in their life. My husband and I have taken this opportunity to really pour ourselves into these friendships, and to be the people who are available to hang out at short notice. We all know how hard it can be to make plans in our busy lives, but a hidden gift of our current state in life without children is our ability to be more available for spontaneous trips, weekly trivia, or weekend brunches. I feel great joy when I spend time with these friends and my husband. 

Our single friends need to be spiritually mothered. Our single friends need a space where they can come alive and be fully their authentic selves. Everyone, no matter their state in life, needs a soul in which they can find shelter and let their soul unfold, and it is a gift to be able to provide that space to the people the Lord has placed in my life. 

Ellie Weaver and her husband Trey were married in 2018 and now live in Baton Rouge, Louisiana with their husky/beagle mix, Midge. Ellie works as an interior designer and loves exploring new artistic hobbies. After discerning a call to embrace spiritual motherhood she is training to become a spiritual director. Trey and Ellie have been involved with ECHO Community, a Theology of the Body ministry for teens and young adults, since 2015. They love admiring the beauty of Creation, traveling to the mountains, and pursuing multiple shared and individual hobbies, such as film photography, good coffee, classic cocktails and cuisine.