Why Take It To Heart? 

In June we celebrate the Month of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. As we meditate on the goodness and love that flows from His Heart, we also want to be checking in on our own hearts, making sure that we’re allowing them to be steeped in the truth about ourselves, our marriages, our homes, and our place in the wider community. 

If we take the wrong things to heart, we’ll be less able to live the abundant life that Jesus came to give us (cf. John 10:10), struggle to see our goodness as children of God, feel incapable of being a gift to our spouse, and wonder if we have anything to offer to our parishes and communities. On the other hand, if we take to heart the love of the Father, the goodness of our marriages, and the unique, irreplaceable role we’ve been given in the world, we can in turn more fully be the salt and light that Christ empowers us to be. (cf. Matthew 5:13-16)

The Heart of the Father

The struggle with infertility can leave us feeling “heart sick” because it strikes at the deepest parts of who we are, and the most ardent desires we carry within. When our hearts are in a tender state, we would do well to be careful about what we take into them. 

When we think about who we are, what our purpose is, and why our lives matter, the most essential thing to “take to heart” is that God the Father loved us into being. 

Before we are anything else, we are His beloved sons and daughters. More than just words or a nice idea, the fact that He loved us into being is the core of our identity and the true sum of our worth. 

As Jesus prayed to the Father before His Passion, He spoke of us as the Father’s gift to him (John 17:24). You are a gift from the Father to Jesus. Before you were a spouse, a patient, or a carrier of this cross, you were wanted, chosen, and cherished by God – and you still are. 

The pain of infertility often whispers other messages. It tells us our bodies are broken, our worth depends on what we can produce, or our marriages are somehow lacking. But these messages do not come from the heart of the Father. A body that struggles is not a body without dignity. A marriage without children is not a marriage without purpose. Your life has meaning because God wills you to be here, He loves you and has a plan to redeem and bless you abundantly. 

When we take the Father’s love to heart, we become more detached from the lies that diminish us. We are less tempted to take to heart the negative messages we may hear. We are more free to nurture our marriages and let His love flow through us to our parishes, communities, and beyond. His love, not our circumstances, is what truly defines us and makes our lives eternally fruitful. 

The Lies We Sometimes Take to Heart, but Shouldn’t

There is so much negativity that we internalize on the path of infertility. Each negative test, each month and year that goes by, can add their weight to this burden. And in addition to dealing with our own grief – and that of our spouse – we also encounter the feelings and expectations that others have regarding our marriage and family.

Here, St. Ignatius of Loyola would encourage us to give the benefit of the doubt to all of those people who have hurt us with their words (Spiritual Exercises, Annotation 22). It’s especially important for us to not respond with sarcasm or anger, even if we never say any of it out loud. We may need to have healthy boundaries with certain people, but dwelling on hurtful comments will only hurt us more. But it can sometimes be hard not to take the implications behind those comments to heart. Maybe we’re not actually doing enough. Maybe we don’t actually want it enough. Maybe I should try that treatment/doctor/diet. If I don’t try it and we don’t get pregnant, my parents/in-laws/family/friends will be so disappointed in me. Maybe I’m not holy enough/feminine enough/prayerful enough.

These kinds of doubts can lead to deeper, darker thoughts. I’m a failure. My marriage is a failure. I’m letting everyone down. I can’t do anything right. Maybe I’m being punished. Maybe miracles are just for other people and not for me. If we don’t fight back, these lies can turn into beliefs, and they can damage our relationships with ourselves, our spouse, others, and – most importantly – with God.

If you find yourself in a place where you are hurting because of intrusive questions, insensitive comments, or deep-seated doubts, know that God is inviting you to a deeper healing. The next time you feel defeated, take these words of St. Paul to heart instead: “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies” (2 Corinthians 4:8–9). Healing is possible, even if it happens in other ways than what we originally had in mind.

The Heart of our Marriage

As we strive to take our wounds to the Heart of the Father and allow His healing love to penetrate us more thoroughly, we can in turn manifest that love to others, beginning with our spouse. Letting go of some of the lies we’ve taken to heart and reestablishing belief in our belovedness, we will find more “space” to be able to minister to the heart of our spouse. 

We’ve all had the experience – when you feel secure and safe, you can better go out to others who are hurting. Sometimes we don’t need to go far to find that “other.” Infertility and/or loss wounds the hearts of both spouses, although often in different ways. When we allow the Lord to pour out His merciful love into our brokenness, we can become conduits of that love for others, beginning with those closest to us. It is said that mercy is like water; it seeks the lowest place. Once we allow God to fill us up, we can overflow. 

Sharing this merciful love can happen in small, seemingly insignificant ways. It could look like making your spouse’s favorite dinner when they’ve had a stressful week at work, offering to read a favorite book together to relax, doing a task for them that you know they dread, or suggesting a visit to the Blessed Sacrament on Saturday. 

Once we let the truth about ourselves and our marriage soak into our hearts we will be better equipped to minister to others’ hearts.

The Heart of our Home

In the ministering of spouses to one another, there you will always find fruit. In tidying your home, developing daily routines, ordering groceries, and filling out the calendar, the heart of your home becomes apparent. How, where, and with whom you spend your time creates a culture within the walls of your home. As you and your spouse cross the threshold daily, as guests are invited into your sacred space, the kind of domestic church you have built and continue to build are obvious. 

Whether your home is a third-floor apartment, a country cottage, or a 100 year old fixer-upper, the love between you and your spouse, a love emulating the love of the Father, becomes apparent in every nook and cranny. And if you are unsure of where you are called to love in this season of love, just remember that we are known by our fruits, by the result of our habits, choices, and routines. So start there.

Do you like to paint and decorate? Do you like to cook or bake? Do you like to host and create experiences? Are you movie watchers or gamers? Are prayer and exercise a priority? Is lawnwork or gardening something you look forward to in the summer? Are adventures and wilderness where you connect most? 

There is no singular or correct way to find the heart of your home. It is simply found by asking yourself “What do we love to do together? Where do we find ourselves most often?” and in the answer to those questions you will see that just like the pews, altar, and artwork in your parish, the furniture, shelves, and calendar within your domestic church are appropriately positioned, lined, and marked according to the heart of your home. 

The Heart of our Parish & Community 

As we get more receptive to the love of the Father, become more gentle with loving ourselves as heirs to the Kingdom of Heaven, find ways to love our spouse intentionally, and build our domestic church, it is likely that here, we will find the charism of our family. 

In the Catechism of the Catholic Church 799, she says, “Whether extraordinary or simple and humble, charisms are graces of the Holy Spirit which directly or indirectly benefit the Church, ordered as they are to her building up, to the good of men, and to the needs of the world.”

In the places and ways you and your spouse are called to love and serve, the charism of your family is born. Your family holds a position in the Body of Christ that is not only unique and necessary, but unable to be claimed by any other family in the past, present, or future. There is a need in the world that the gifts, strengths, passions, and even weaknesses of your family are especially suited to meet. 

Perhaps this need is within your extended family or neighborhood, or maybe the need is in your parish or diocese. Or perhaps the need is in your local government or program in your community. Whether you are mowing grass for your elderly neighbor, caring for the children of dear friends, applying to be on the local parks and recreation board, or ironing the linens for your parish, there is no need so small that it cannot be done with great love and poured out from the heart of your family.

The love of God knows no bounds, but in order for His love to reach the ends of the earth, it is often done through the living out of the charism of our families, the unique calling on your marriage for the good of the whole world!

Closing Thoughts:

In this month of the Sacred Heart, take to heart the truth of who you are – a beloved child of the Father, a gift to Jesus, and the heart of your domestic church. When the lies of the evil one assail you, lean into the truth that you are one of God’s “wonderful works” and are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).

Written by the Springs in the Desert Team