Studies have shown that 31-56% of couples with infertility struggle with depression and 31-76% of couples with infertility struggle with anxiety (source). In addition, many of the conditions that contribute to infertility (infertility is always a symptom of an underlying disease) including thyroid disease, PCOS, and endometriosis, to name a few, are associated with anxiety and/or depression. Anxiety during a season of infertility can take many forms, such as  taking daily pregnancy tests in your post peak phase, ruminating on test results or the impact of a diagnosis, or an inability to sleep. Depression during a season of infertility can manifest as not enjoying the things you normally enjoy, feeling hopeless or like you are a failure, or changes in your eating patterns. These symptoms have to occur for at least two weeks to be diagnosed by a health care or mental health professional. If you are experiencing these or other symptoms, I encourage you to reach out to one of these providers. 

I tell many of my patients that there is no shame in struggling with your mental health. Much of the time, we struggle with mental health conditions like anxiety or depression because our brain is wired that way (our family members suffer from this) and/or something bad (maybe even traumatic) has happened to us in the past or is impacting us in the present. While I recognize the taboo that still unfortunately exists surrounding treating mental health issues, I want to encourage you to treat your brain as you would any other organ that is suffering or in pain (broken arm, painful tooth, wheezing lungs, etc.). 

Taking care of our mental health during a season of infertility can take many forms, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. The list below is not comprehensive but can be a helpful guide for where to start. As always, please consult with a health care provider or mental health professional about what the best treatment would be for you.

  • Talk to a counselor // Infertility diagnosis and treatment is a very stressful process and infertility itself is heartbreaking. No one envisions their life looking like this when they get married and it makes you feel very out of control. Talking to a counselor can help to process emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms during this time. It can also help with identifying factors from the past that can be influencing how we cope in the present.
  • Develop a self care plan // Anytime we are going through stressful experiences it is important to take care of our body, mind, heart, and soul. Self care is not selfish. It is taking care of the body that we have been given so we can better take care of the people who are put in front of us. Self care involves engaging in activities that rejuvenate us and bring us back to life. This could be taking a long, candlelit shower and using body scrubs and lotions, going to brunch with friends, taking an exercise class, etc.
  • Seek spiritual healing // Don’t misunderstand – you cannot “pray away” anxiety and depression and the reason you are experiencing infertility or mental health concerns isn’t because you’re not faithful enough. Yet we are not compartmentalized creatures. Our mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional health are all connected and healing one helps to heal the others.

We often ask the question, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” While this requires a more complex analysis than is necessary here, the simple answer is that God does not will bad things to happen to us, but because He has given humans free will He allows them to happen. While it can feel cruel and unusual in the moment, the suffering God allows us to experience can bring about greater healing, peace, and joy in the future. We would not have salvation if Jesus had not first experienced tremendous physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual suffering on Good Friday. Experiencing suffering can help us to grow in trust and relationship with God, compassion for those around us, resilience, maturity, and so many other virtues. We only have to allow God to bring about these fruits in us.

To help foster our relationship with God and to grow in peace and trust, I recommend a daily prayer routine, going on a retreat, considering spiritual direction, and spiritual reading. Some of my favorite resources for healing are Unbound by Neal Lozano, Be Healed by Dr. Bob Schuchts, and Befriending Your Inner Child by Brya Hanan. And some of my favorite prayers for trust are the Litany of Trust by the Sisters of Life and the Surrender Novena.

  • Get off social media // I know it is cliché to say, but comparison is the thief of joy. Social media is a place where our friends and family announce their pregnancies, gender reveals, and births and where somehow the algorithm has figured out we’re interested in everything to do with infertility (supplements, advice, etc). This content can make us dissatisfied with our own life, jealous of what others have, and inundated with so much information that may not apply to us or be helpful or true. Fasting from social media or putting limits on our use can help to prevent comparison and information overload.
  • Invest in community // Social media shows us the highlight reels of the individuals whom we follow, but the reality is that everyone’s life is messier and more complex than a 15 second reel. Investing in deep relationships with family and friends helps us to see the pain that they experience and be a “Simon” to them in their time of need and vice versa. I can’t tell you how many times that talking to a close friend, my sister, or my mom brought me peace and clarity when I was agonizing over a decision or ruminating about something that happened. Hold onto the  people in your life who know you and love you and help remind you how wonderful you are and that you are not alone.
  • Maintain a healthy lifestyle // Our bodies need constant care and nourishment and the best way to care for them is through regular exercise (something you enjoy!), adequate sleep, and a balanced diet that focuses on good quality protein, fat, fruits, and vegetables while minimizing processed food, fast food, added sugar, and excess caffeine and alcohol. My one caveat is that many of us as women have struggled with our relationship with food, so if that is you, please do not make restrictive changes and consider talking to a professional about what would be best for you.
  • Give yourself to others // The call to motherhood and fatherhood is stamped into our biology. Not all of us are called to physical motherhood and fatherhood however, and even if we are, every human being is called to spiritual parenthood. It is important to discern personally and with your spouse the ways you feel called to be mother and father to those around you. This can be at your workplace, with godchildren, nieces, nephews, opening your home in hospitality to others, etc.
  • Consider medications // The groups of medications called SSRIs help to increase serotonin in our brains and can help both anxiety and depression. If you have tried all of the above techniques and/or your anxiety and depression are not manageable it may be time to talk to your health care professional about trialing a medication. There is no shame in needing medication to help with your symptoms. You are going through something extremely difficult and we are blessed to live in 2025 where these medications exist and can help us through a rough patch or provide long term maintenance. 

I hope you find these tips helpful on your walk of taking care of your mental health. Please know that I am praying for you and rooting for you on this crazy journey to Heaven.

Caroline Gindhart is a nurse practitioner at Divine Mercy Women’s Health in Camp Hill/Carlisle, Pennsylvania. She received her nursing degrees from Penn State University. In her professional work, she diagnoses the root causes of infertility and treats in a way that cooperates with the woman’s cycle using her training in the Creighton Model and NaPro Technology.