In a small village in the southwest of Spain, on the fourth day of our 115km Camino De Santiago (journey to Saint James), we entered a tiny chapel to San Cayetano. It wasn’t in our guidebooks nor our plans, but our quartet of pilgrims, all of whom had more time, and less responsibility than they envisioned at this point in their life, welcomed it with open arms and tired feet. On a wall, hidden behind the old oak doors, a humble, wooden plague displayed the Pilgrim’s Beatitudes. Beatitudes that are just as relevant on El Camino as they were on our path of infertility – for both are just microcosms of our journey to our heavenly home.

Blessed are you, pilgrim, if you discover that the path opens your eyes to what is not seen.

One of the greatest gifts that the path of infertility provides is that of patience (or long-suffering). It opens our eyes to the suffering that others experience: be it infertility, loneliness, or other afflictions that similarly strike at the core of our humanity. It teaches us to give the care and grace that we wish were given to us and makes our eyes more like His.

Blessed are you, pilgrim, if what worries you most is not arriving, but arriving with others.

Infertility often strips us of our community. As we journey, God restores this community through our shared grief. When we carry our suffering alone, we deprive others the opportunity to be a Simon for us.

Blessed are you, pilgrim, when you contemplate the road and discover it full of names of sunrises.

Sunrises represent the hope of Christ’s Resurrection. We find this hope often on the journey with infertility. Sometimes hope for a friend walking this journey with us, sometimes hope for ourselves, sometimes for our family. May we know, recognize, and name Christ’s light shining on us throughout our journey with infertility and recognize the moments of respite only He can provide

Blessed are you, pilgrim, because you have discovered that the true path begins when it ends.

Every pilgrimage comes to an end, but no journey leaves us, as the experience will stay with us. Your journeys may end in great joy or great sorrow, but in time it will end. The memories, lessons, and virtues, however, will be carried with us throughout our life.

Blessed are you, pilgrim, if your backpack is emptying of things and your heart does not know where to hang so many emotions.

I remember the decision to convert our third bedroom into an office. I remember giving away my model car collection given to me by my father one piece at a time to my nieces and nephews. Infertility comes with a lot of giving up on dreams and giving up on things and all the mixed emotions that come with both. Christ doesn’t ask us to face this emptiness or these emotions on our own, but instead asks each of us to unite them with Him.

Blessed are you, pilgrim, if you discover that a step back to help another is worth more than a hundred steps forward without looking at your side

Just as we are called to share our emotions and life with Christ, so too are we called to share them  with each other, especially our spouse. This may require treading through unprocessed emotions, allowing others to enter our wounds, or simply bearing patient witness to the Catholic life you are called to.

Blessed are you, pilgrim, when you lack words to thank everything that surprises you at every turn of the road

Gratitude. I often found words difficult to come by when speaking to God in the midst of my infertility. Anger, sorrow, and pain hid the great gifts that God had given me and my wife. But, God in His goodness knows that sometimes that is all we have to give. Through time, He opened my eyes to all the gifts He has placed in my path.

Blessed are you, pilgrim, if you seek the truth and make your way a life and your life a way, in search of Who is the Way, the Truth and the Life

Jesus calls each of us to join Him on the path to Calvary. On our way to Calvary, He will teach us everything we need to know.

Blessed are you, pilgrim, if on the way you find yourself and give yourself unhurried time so as not to neglect the image of your heart

On the journey of infertility, the importance placed on the timing we can control is starkly juxtaposed to the importance placed on the milestones and expectations we have no control over. We are hurried at both a micro- and a macro- level. It is no wonder that, as we long for new creation in Christ, we so often neglect to see the image of Christ’s beautiful new creation reflected in our own hearts.

Blessed are you, pilgrim, if you discover that the road has a lot of silence; and the silence of prayer; and the prayer of meeting with the Father who awaits you

Infertility brings the gift of silence. Though we may prefer the cries of a newborn, God is calling to each of us through silence. In silence, He beckons us to join Him Who awaits us always.

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Two days after our visit to San Cayetano , we reached Santiago de Compostela. We arrived just in time to see the Botafumiero swing, and I was reminded of the perfect nature of God’s timing. At Mass, during his homily, the priest emphasized that though our Camino had officially ended, the real Camino begins when we return home.

Despite this, when I returned home, I couldn’t reconcile this temporary Camino with my permanent reality. Could I really say I was still on my infertility journey when my wife and I had stopped hormones, stopped charting, and stopped timing? Does accepting the fact that we will likely be childless signify the end of our infertility journey? How could it be the end when we carry the burden with us daily?

It wasn’t until I sat down to write this that I started to understand. It wasn’t my infertility journey –  it was my journey to heaven with infertility.

Christian lives in Oklahoma with his amazing wife. They enjoy walking their two dogs and spending time with their family in Oklahoma and Kansas. As a couple, after a long bout with infertility, they have discerned that they are called to live a life-giving, childfree life.