Here at Springs, we strongly believe that family size does not determine holiness, the value of a marriage, or the gifts we have to share. Whether you are a family of two, have adopted or fostered, struggle with primary or secondary infertility, have suffered losses, or are navigating new horizons in life and marriage, #yourmarriagehasamission! Let’s break that down.

First Up: Fill Your Cup
According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, marriage is a vocation of service (cf. CCC, 1534), and at Springs in the Desert we talk a lot about how the foundation for serving is found in the way in which husband and wife love and serve each other. Self-giving love and service starts in the home. The love between spouses and the grace of the Sacrament become fuel for their acts of charity and service. We can practice loving and serving each other well so that we can better serve others whom God will entrust to our care! Here are some ideas for loving and serving each other to keep enough fuel in our tank, so that we can be of service in the world:

  • Set aside time every day to pray. Working on your relationship with God helps you work on your other relationships, especially with your spouse. Pray together when you can and pray for each other every day.
  • Be like St. Therese: do little things with great love! Grand gestures of affection are wonderful (and you can still do those!). But sometimes we forget the little things, which often matter more. Surprise your spouse by saying “thank you,” even when he/she didn’t “do” anything in particular. Let your spouse have the last piece of cake, empty the dishwasher (even if it’s your least favorite chore), and look for other ways to take turns deferring to each other.
  • Take time to focus on each other, not on texts, social media, or getting caught in a loop of YouTube videos. We’re all held captive by our screens to some extent, so pulling away from them can be a challenge. Set the rules together (e.g., no phones during dinner, eyes off screens at least one hour before bed, etc.). Try developing a bedtime ritual that helps you both to wind down and connect with each other. But as they say, “Don’t let perfection be the enemy of the good!” The most important thing is to become more aware of how often you’re distracted or disconnected and reorient yourselves toward each other.

Potential Pitfalls
It is a lifelong work to live out the vows of marriage. While we won’t always do this perfectly, working on living out the vows daily will strengthen our marriages and prepare us to serve and care for each other when we’re faced with big challenges (like infertility and loss). We can keep working on serving each other while we serve others, but we should look out for potential pitfalls that can frustrate us or derail our efforts:

  • Feeling like we have to prove ourselves. This one hits us all in one way or another, especially if we come from a big family, or attend a parish with lots of families. It’s hard to overcome this feeling, but the truth is that your marriage stands on its own merits, not the “standards” of others. No marriage is perfect, but rest in the confidence that God’s grace and your willingness to do what you can, when you can, is enough.
  • Trying to do all the things. Maybe the issue isn’t trying to prove your marriage’s worth but becoming enthusiastic about a lot of things and taking on too much. Serving others (whether in the parish, wider community, or through charitable giving, etc.) is a fruit of your marriage that comes to its full flourishing only when properly balanced with your time and service to each other. Trying to get involved in everything leads to taking on too much outside of your marriage – even if you are serving together – which can lead to…
  • Getting burned out. Taking on too many works of service at once inevitably leads to fatigue, burning out, and potentially dropping all forms of service because it feels like too much. Pace yourselves. Take a look at your schedules and determine how much time you have outside of your regular responsibilities and time with each other – and where you can sacrifice a little when needed. Look at the possibilities for service and choose one or two at a time to get involved in. You can reevaluate every month, quarter, or year to make sure you aren’t taking on too much or too little. Give yourselves the freedom to take away or add to your plate, and if you need to take a pause to better focus on your marriage and your health, take the time you need.

Your Love Poured Out
The call of every Christian is to love and serve others. It’s the highest form of imitating Christ, our model of what it means to be a human person, to live in relationship with God and others, and to spend our very lives for the good of another. This “model” is lived in particular ways in marriage, which then flow out into the world. But how can your service to each other in marriage bear fruit in the world? Here are a few ideas!

  • Do you love to cook or garden? Make a meal or gather some of your produce or flowers and share them with a sick or elderly neighbor, a friend having a rough time, or a family in the parish who needs some extra help.
  • Share your creativity! If you love music, drawing/painting, dancing, or anything fun that you can do together, then find a way to share it with others! Consider teaching a class or just gathering a group of friends for a fun evening that will also inspire their creativity.
  • Volunteer together. Find a local organization where you can both pitch in: serving meals to the homeless, joining a neighborhood/community clean-up group, helping with a parish fundraiser – anything you can do together to help in your area.

In ways that are only possible for God, infertility and loss can become avenues for abundant fruitfulness for couples, both in their marriages and in the wider community of the Church and the world. There are so many opportunities for your love, fidelity, and service to give life to others. You don’t have to try and do all the things. But you might be surprised at how extending yourselves as a couple for the good of others can make a difference for them – and for your marriage. Remember: #yourmarriagehasamission, so invite God to help you discern where He’s calling you, and rely on Him to give you the inspiration, energy, and opportunities to serve!

-The Springs in the Desert Team